May the Mojo Be With You

Lately I have noticed that things seem to be slightly off in my life, then again it could be that I just need to brew some beer or perhaps start kegging. No, it unfortunately is worse than that. Today I saw a friend and mentor that I had given a baculum or oosik to in order to give him good mojo for the rest of his days. Specifically, I gave him a coon dick. Now I must rectify what I told him in that many mammals have bones for the male reproductive organ; however, the raccoon has the largest per animal (same size as a black bear) even though the whale and seal oosiks are the size of the human forearm. I realized when I got out to the car that the Texas toothpick I usually kept in my ashtray was in fact in my other car!! For the last few months, I've been mojo-less except for when I had one in the car to give him. Thinking back, I met the bridesmaid, made it through his hellish rotation and came across some of the best beer in the world! Coincidence, I think not. Now as the power begins to wane like the sun's light at setting, life has become mediocre at best. Even the ole dating life has slowed. Now it's no secret that these wonderful items rank right up there with john the conquerer root and black cat bone when placed between the boxsprings and mattress in producing "man babies". Sarah Jessica Parker wore a set of these earrings during a photo shoot and Mick Jagger has a few (look at how long he's lasted). I sense some disbelief and even though I would love to give the world great mojo some of you are just going to have to buy your own .

"Why the hell you lookin' at my privates??!!"